I wish I hadn't done it
I wish I hadn't said it
I wish that I could take it all back
(Here Come the Regrets by Epik High ft. Lee HI)
I think those lyrics represent a lot of us, right?. Suddenly, we're becoming 'Hagrid' who said, "I shouldn't have said that" to the trio Hogwarts troublemaker, Harry, Ron, Hermione.
There will always be something from the past that bothers you. Like the old embarrassing moment of youth that you wish you could undo, and hoping for another scenario.
What I hate about that is, WHY?? WHY DID YOU COME OUT OF NOWHERE TO MY MIND ?? WHEN I KNOW I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE??
So, every time that kind of thought came, I'll just tell them, "GET OUT !!!", loud and repetitive. Quite relieved it often works for me. We need frequent boundaries too, and that's my way. But, sometimes I failed to overcome it. Most of it happened every time happiness was close enough. When the crowd isn't the best place to fade it out.
"You're laughing? How could you? Nobody told you to be happy. You don't deserve it"
(Signed by Hysterical Cell)
After that, I curled up on the bed, hiding my face under the pillow, singing sad songs, watching ASMR videos till my brain stop producing bad thoughts, closing every chance of those voices inside. Even though it's useless. I wanna go back again to the moments when I messed up, not showing a good responsibility as it should be, saying something I shouldn't have, and many more.
Just because I wish I could live in this book's world.
Language : English
Blurb:
'Between life and death there is a library, and within that library, the shelves go on forever. Every book provides a chance to try another life you could have lived. To see how things would be if you had made other choices... Would you have done anything different, if you had the chance to undo your regrets?'
A dazzling novel about all the choices that go into a life well lived, from the internationally bestselling author of Reasons to Stay Alive and How To Stop Time.
Somewhere out beyond the edge of the universe there is a library that contains an infinite number of books, each one the story of another reality. One tells the story of your life as it is, along with another book for the other life you could have lived if you had made a different choice at any point in your life. While we all wonder how our lives might have been, what if you had the chance to go to the library and see for yourself? Would any of these other lives truly be better?
In The Midnight Library, Matt Haig's enchanting new novel, Nora Seed finds herself faced with this decision. Faced with the possibility of changing her life for a new one, following a different career, undoing old breakups, realizing her dreams of becoming a glaciologist; she must search within herself as she travels through the Midnight Library to decide what is truly fulfilling in life, and what makes it worth living in the first place. (Sc:Goodreads)
Beginning of 2021, I checked on the 'Goodreads' page as per usual. Of course to visit their annual book of the year. The Midnight Library is the winner in the category of Best Fiction in 2020. Non-other than my favourite genre, that's why it's my priority to look up to that first one. But apparently, it's the best !! ... written by Matt Haig. Actually, I never heard his name before, they said he is an expert in writing a lot of self-help books. So I thought I could give it a try since those 2 genre is my cup of tea by this far.
Moreover, RM from BTS encouraged ARMY (I don't need to explain who is Army, right? hehe) to read it on the recent 'BTS In The Soop 2' variety show. Even though I read it around February, long before he told us, knowing this book included as a part of his reading list, just brighten up my day💜. As usual, he's not kidding whenever it comes to books. If you wanna know any other books from his recommendation, you'll find titles such as 'I Want To Die But I Want To Eat Tteokpokki' by Baek Se Hee (this one is super famous, even my non-Kpop friend told me that she likes it), 'Kim Ji Young: Born 1982' by Cho Nam Joo, 'Kitchen' by Yoshimoto Banana, lots of Haruki Murakami's masterpiece too, and many more.
Even two of BTS's albums (Map of the Soul: Persona and Map of the Soul: 7) was inspired by a book..it is 'Map of the Soul: Persona - Our Many Faces' by Murray Stein. In turn, the author even write another book called 'Map of the Soul: 7 Persona, Shadow & Ego - In the World of BTS' ... dedicated to BTS and ARMY who's taking the big parts of spreading Jungian Psychology theory.
Not just RM, another BTS member is also a big reader. I think they need another reward other than music things tho. That they could be our literacy ambassadors. Being the role model of increasing people's reading interest. How can I not love them?
Oh sorry about these sudden fangirling moments, but ... first, I need to give you a little warning, that this book has triggers ... suicide and depression. From the very beginning of the story, Haig presents us with a super dark introduction. I was kind of uncomfortable at that part. But that's the strong root of its whole plot.
About our protagonist, Nora Seed, who is trying to find what would her best life looks like, whether she really does have it. Just like every living person in the world stepping at the age of 30s, don't know what to do and keep asking the purpose of existence. She is about to give up on her life, but something extraordinary happens to her.
Nobody knows. But if we're living in her world, maybe it would be another thing. Like a parallel world is something that maybe (?) does exist, just like what happened right now with the world of MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) superheroes story. But I think scientists from all over the world still doing research about it, I mean in real life. There's so much theory related to quantum physics that could explain it ... maybe. I just don't have the guts to tell you anything related to it since I don't have the proficiency. Just trying to believe that while enjoying the book. That's what we do as readers. I ain't complaining tho.
So, to tell you about it ... Nora, experienced "living" in that magical world, guided by Mrs Elm who is actually Nora's past school librarian. Someplace in between, maybe we could say it's kind of the 'grey area'. The library in this book here is described as a place filled with Nora's regrets ... a Book of Regrets. Just like the blurb said, it provides chances to try another life you could have lived. Can you imagine that?
Honestly, she is a bit annoying though. Cause as I read it for more pages, the more I think I could relate to what she feels at the moment. Haig writes it to torture us with the fact that we ... humans never feel enough of what we owned until we've "seen" what it really becomes. If it could be that simple in choosing your own life, some people would say, "what's the joy then?".
Sometimes, I'd get bored in the middle of the story. Like the uh ... on the 'repetitive' sequences. Many people have this same issue with me on Goodreads. But believe me, you're gonna regret it if you decided to quits. Maybe you could take a breath with other books, cause I know Midnight Library kind of have the ability to absorb your soul and it's a little bit too much. I even take a month away.
I've always kept it in my mind that ending your life doesn't even solve your problems. No matter how hard it is for us to live, especially in this scary world. It will only gain another problem.
But your death it weren't happen to you,
it happens to your family and your friends... (The 1975)
I love it. After this one is finished, even the ocean seems loaded with my tears. I'm crying like craaazy. Weirdly, I still wanna know how is she today?. I hope she's doing great at the end of the year. Wish everyone have a good time with their loved ones wherever you are reading this right now.
#2022 ... Just, please keep me out of these "Get Out" moments.
Fire
She had fire inside her.
She wondered if the fire was to warm her or destroy her.
Then she realised.
A fire had no motive.
Only she could have that.
The power was hers.
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