The First Love's Curse?

     Currently, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts. Sometimes that activity helps me working on my focus. Because apparently... I'm having trouble with writing, it becomes too overwhelmed to the point I don't know how to say, "Goodbye my lovely negative energy cell, no need a rush coming back to me!!!".

 

Pict: Rintik Sedu

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," wrote Angelou. Silence is pain. But it is a pain with an exit route. When we can't speak, we can write. When we can't write, we can read. When we can't read, we can listen. Words are seeds. Language is a way back to life. And it is sometimes the most vital comfort we have. - The Comfort Book by Matt Haig

Speak →Write → Read → Listen   

  

     Well, actually watching movies or TV series would count in my dictionary of coping too. So ... Yeah, it will always revolve around how words would affect us. Especially if you're an introverted person. No matter what kind of forms, words will always go through inside you.

     Just a couple days ago, I listened to this particular episode of the "Rintik Sedu" Podcast on Spotify. Number 1 Podcast in Indonesia. It belongs to Tsana, the author of many love storybooks based on her experience. Honestly, I've never read her books ... but if you've ever watched 'Geez & Ann', heard of 'Buku Minta Dibanting', 'Buku Minta Disayang', 'Kata', then you know her. Rumour says she loves the sad ending story. Is that bad or not, I don't know but she's kinda cool.

Pict: IG @ntsana
I'm sorry for choosing this one, Paus 🙈

     So, the title is 'Kutukan Cinta Pertama?' (First Love's Curse?). This one is part of the 'Dari Sana' (From Sana) segment, wherein here, Tsana will read letters from the audience. So, it'd be based on her audience perspectives. Then, she would give her opinion afterwards.

     "Why did you wanna do something about it tho, Dis?". HONESTLY, IT BOTHERS ME IN SOME WAY, and I really wanna post something again after a couple months off.

     If I'm asking you when was the first time you guys felt this butterfly feeling in your stomach kills you? what would you say?. I bet you still could remember that, right? like the whole plot and details. That one audience told us about her first love story. Things that often happens in Korean drama ... she meets again with him. Just like Ji PD met again with his first love, Hyejin after such a long time (Please bear with my Hometown Cha Cha Cha reference). But this time, it's another story for her. He's about to marry another girl. She's still lingering with the old memories, hoping the wedding day is not on her birthday, and bla bla bla. It hurts but, it's over for them. End of the story. But at least her story was not messed up like Jungpal who never gets the chance to confess (sorry again, especially for Jungpal). 

     I gotta admit it, I never confess my pinky moment feeling either, to anybody. Because I know it's just some stupid puppy love. You fell for that person, then it would disappear eventually. Sometimes you thought it's love, but God knows. 

     The moment we fell would be in any kind of form, even just a simple handshake. Oh ... of course, I still remember that particular silly moment. Back from my Junior High School era. He still looks great in passing through life. I'm glad he found his passion and earns money from it. Or so I thought, I mean we never know, right?. We just never have any reason to keep in touch anymore. Also, I'm afraid the feeling will back too. Cause sometimes whenever it comes to that annoying feeling, I'd be comparing the "next person" with him, and I hate myself for that. Tsana said, "Indeed, it's normal to make a comparison to your first experience in everything, just like the first-ever we eat our favourite food." It's something you could never forget, a special one.

But I ended up saying, 

Falling in love is such a calamity

     Don't get me wrong. I said that as to remind myself... it is such a waste of your life!. Because at that age, we still don't know how to act properly... Teenage things and getting older got me to understand that religion said no to anything that makes us closer to Zina. But of course, I'm grateful that God still blessed me with having this kind of feeling and aware of how to behave at facing this one now. Till I realized it's been a long time since then. I think my love cell is in a state of coma from many many years ago😅.

     You're just a beautiful dream, that disappears when I wake up 

     Nevertheless, I don't want to make this title in any kind of impression. Curse? hmm... I don't think so. More of "Special" I guess. I don't think it's my priority now to find the "chosen one". One thing I know for sure. We still got lots of love for our family, friends, animals, plants. Most importantly... Ourself.

     

*) Here is the link to that podcast: 

    https://open.spotify.com/episode/6kAkyWxdtUjUCLwc8Djgqn